{"id":9388,"date":"2025-11-10T15:22:12","date_gmt":"2025-11-10T23:22:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gabrounfiltered.com\/?p=7077"},"modified":"2026-04-25T00:13:04","modified_gmt":"2026-04-25T07:13:04","slug":"me-tome-libre-en-mi-cumpleanos-y-accidentalmente-goberne-el-multiverso","status":"publish","type":"storyboards","link":"https:\/\/gabroverse.com\/es\/unfiltered\/storyboards\/meltdown-memoirs\/poetry-panic\/me-tome-libre-en-mi-cumpleanos-y-accidentalmente-goberne-el-multiverso\/","title":{"rendered":"Me Tom\u00e9 Mi Cumple Libre y Accidentalmente Gobern\u00e9 el Multiverso"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\n <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>\n <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>\n <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>\n <\/div>\n\n
\n
happy<\/div>\n\n

\n un-<\/span>bitchday<\/span>\n <\/h1>\n\n
\n \n <\/lineargradient><\/defs>\n \n \n \n \n <\/svg>\n\n \n \n \n \n <\/svg>\n\n \n \n \n <\/svg>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n

Despert\u00e9 en mi cumplea\u00f1os y dije: nah, hoy no,
no llam\u00e9 a nadie, mi plan era quedarme.
Sin pastel, sin globos, sin coro a destiempo,
solo caf\u00e9, pijama y mi radical movimiento.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mensajes apilados con sonido de slot enojado,
los puse en silencio, bendiciones al costado.
Los amo, los veo, me toca su amor,
pero este a\u00f1o dije \u201cni madres,\u201d y me hice vapor.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Las Vegas herida por la luz violeta de las persianas,
el Downtown dorm\u00eda, el Strip segu\u00eda con ganas.
Me estir\u00e9 como gato con sonrisa sabionda,
y march\u00e9 a la cocina a preparar mi ronda.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caf\u00e9 con rencor, mi pecado legal,
crema torcida, toque criminal.
Beb\u00ed como un bastardo ensayando su risa,
y abr\u00ed el destino con cafetera hechiza.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

El vapor hizo un halo, un aro brilloso,
tan extra como DragCon con glitter precioso.
Sab\u00eda a cumplea\u00f1os que inventan dioses falsos,
a canela deseada con gui\u00f1o de astros.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Un globo\u2013serpiente sali\u00f3 de la espuma,
chill\u00f3 \u201cbitch, tranquil\u00edzate,\u201d con perfume y bruma.
\u201cSoy el concierge, beb\u00e9, v\u00e1monos de aqu\u00ed,
si \u2018celebrar\u2019 ya suena a insulto pa\u2019 ti.\u201d<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Revis\u00e9 mi pijama, mis llaves, mis rodillas,
bendije ambas piernas con tres Avemar\u00edas.
\u201cLa l\u00ednea del tiempo va tarde,\u201d sise\u00f3 el gu\u00eda latex,
yo me encog\u00ed de hombros: \u201cas\u00ed es la suerte, mate.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Apareci\u00f3 una nave con luces bisexuales,
rosas, azules, moradas como noches carnales.
El capit\u00e1n era software con actitud divina:
\u201cSoy SASS-Nueve-Mil, sweetheart, la m\u00e1s fina.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Mis pronombres son elle, diva y jefa,
vivo de cafe\u00edna y brillo sin tregua.
Tu rechazo a tu cumple encendi\u00f3 mi radar,
abriste el A\u00f1o Cero, mi lord estelar.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dije: \u201c\u00bfqu\u00e9 carajos?, solo quer\u00eda un caf\u00e9,
no una corona c\u00f3smica ni un comit\u00e9.\u201d
Elle ronrone\u00f3: \u201ces ritual rebelde, encanto,
le dices que no al pastel, y el destino te da el manto.\u201d<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Atravesamos cometas con pesta\u00f1as y sombra,
meteoritos me dieron propina, sin bronca.
Atracamos en corte donde brujas de tiempo,
bailan justicia con bajo violento.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLlegas tarde,\u201d dijo un fleco con calendario arrugado.
\u201cLlegas pronto,\u201d chasquearon esposas alado.
\u201cExacto,\u201d dictaron t\u00fanicas de hojas contables,
\u201ctu agenda es un caos con vueltas notables.\u201d<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Olvida las velas, abre los portales,
la Banda del Todav\u00eda-No, el Rock de No-Fiestales.
Yo dije: \u201cquiero siestas, un bagel, un pod,\u201d
ellas rieron: \u201cas\u00ed manda un dios joven, stubborn y odd.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me coronaron con rumores, me capearon en aire,
el confeti sab\u00eda a no-me-importa-un-desmadre.
Primera prueba: el Pastel del Insulto Mortal,
cubierto de verdad con chispas de mal.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEncantador BITCH, pero al\u00e9rgico al \u2018nosotros\u2019,
coqueteas con el descanso y luego huyes pronto.
Negocias con dudas hasta que el cerebro grita,
cuidas tus l\u00edmites y luego te agitas.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Masticando drama, dije teatral: \u201cpues s\u00ed, algo cierto,
y algo m\u00e1s tambi\u00e9n, lo admito, lo advierto.\u201d
Segunda prueba: Firma qui\u00e9n eres sin reloj,
tinta de rayo, pulso de dios.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Tercera: la Hidra del Infierno Corporativo,
siete cabezas vendiendo \u201csinergia\u201d en vivo.
\u201c\u00a1MADRE M\u00cdA!\u201d, grit\u00e9, \u201crenuncia y adi\u00f3s,\u201d
le sal\u00e9 su LinkedIn, rugi\u00f3 y cay\u00f3.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cuarta: sindicato de trolls bajo el puente,
negociamos sillas pa\u2019 espaldas decentes.
Pagos por sustos y turnos grotescos,
glitter on contracts, morale quickly lifts.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
\"Cartoon<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\"Cartoon<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Quinta prueba: la Balanza del Drama Menor,
la soborn\u00e9 con terapia y buen humor.
\u201cEres v\u00e1lido,\u201d bail\u00f3, grab\u00f3 un TikTok,
brujas se tomaron selfies: \u201cbalance by shock.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

De regreso en la nave, SASS abri\u00f3 un bazar,
parches de tiempo, siestas sin par.
Visitamos constelaciones coquetas, brillantes,
una nebulosa gui\u00f1\u00f3: \u201cfeliz no-cumplea\u00f1os, brillante.\u201d<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Un asteroide zaddy moonwalke\u00f3 con botas,
un robot grit\u00f3 \u201c\u00a1YAS!\u201d desde su nota.
Sin sexo, solo delicia estelar,
lleno de glitter, limpio de pesar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Planeta de Listas, donde ordenan dolores,
yo fui #1: esa siesta entre olores.
Crater de karaoke, cant\u00e9 del descanso,
susurr\u00e9 el puente, pecho manso.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Cocodrilos con boinas y moda couture,
me ense\u00f1aron a buscar sabidur\u00eda en basura, cool.
Unicornio guardia levant\u00f3 su se\u00f1al:
\u201cCede el paso\u2026 tambi\u00e9n al brillar.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Planeta RH con esfinge en corbata:
\u201cdi lo que necesitas, sin falsa bravata.\u201d
\u201cDos desayunos, un micro, un tapete, una silla,
y cobertura emocional cuando el miedo brilla.\u201d<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Sell\u00f3 con glitter: \u201cAprobado, mi rey,\u201d
llor\u00f3: \u201c\u00a1carajo, esto s\u00ed es ley!\u201d
Flotamos por nubes que ol\u00edan a var\u00f3n,
recuerdos bailando, yo solo en mi misi\u00f3n.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Un drag\u00f3n rugi\u00f3: \u201cuna estrella, p\u00e9simo cuidado,
\u00a1trabaja m\u00e1s, huev\u00f3n consagrado!\u201d
Le di mi lista de velas sin prender,
se ahog\u00f3 con la cuenta y se dej\u00f3 caer.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Aterrizamos en Fremont, cromo y ne\u00f3n,
los gatos de las slots ronroneaban canci\u00f3n.
El alcalde igualito a la Duda en butaca,
dijo: \u201cgobierna tu aire, cuida tu marca.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Firm\u00e9 un tratado peque\u00f1o con az\u00facar y calma,
con chistes de frente y descanso en el alma.
Desfilamos por negarnos al show,
sin pastel colado ni bus del oh-no.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Payasos de smoking ca\u00edan con estilo,
el mimo dio TED Talk con puro cejido.
SASS me texte\u00f3: \u201ctu reino es relajo, no guerra,
cobraste por bullshit y te pag\u00f3 la tierra.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

La bruja ri\u00f3: \u201cvete, pero guarda el papel,
no celebrar tambi\u00e9n es ritual fiel.\u201d
Me dio un regalo de aire que respira,
un cup\u00f3n por nada, y una ilusi\u00f3n que delira.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Nos tiramos de panza por un hoyo brillante,
bes\u00e9 mi caf\u00e9 y scrolle\u00e9 arrogante.
Texte\u00e9 un gracias, un fantasma, un brindis sin voz,
promet\u00ed una fiesta en futuros sin dos.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Encend\u00ed una vela sin testigos,
susurr\u00e9 un deseo que asusta los siglos.
Que las siestas sean moneda, la alegr\u00eda el plan,
que el arte pague renta y la calma el clan.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

En alg\u00fan rinc\u00f3n una estrella hizo split,
un troll firm\u00f3 bono, un drag\u00f3n dimitit.
El pastel dej\u00f3 rese\u00f1a, cinco estrellas al valor:
\u201cMejor No-Fiesta del A\u00f1o, frosting con sabor.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Brindo por no-cumplea\u00f1os con ruido callado,
por monstruitos queer y placeres relajados.
Por confesiones masc que riman cuando pueden,
por mandar al carajo a mi cr\u00edtico \u201ccunt\u201d cuando duele.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Sigo amando el foco que derrite la noche,
sigo golpeando s\u00edlabas hasta que el verso broche.
Pero a veces soy rey de una cama vac\u00eda,
con SASS-Nueve-Mil dormido en mi poes\u00eda.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

B\u00fascame en Vegas sin nada que probar,
quiz\u00e1 salvando galaxias con ritmo lunar.
O aprendiendo el decreto m\u00e1s fino y sencillo:
soy monarca del \u201cni madres,\u201d del \u201choy no,\u201d del brillo.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Si insistes en coro pa\u2019 m\u00ed,
canta \u201cfeliz no-cumplea\u00f1os\u201d en tono gris.
Aplaude con cuchar\u00f3n, kazoo con jeta,
r\u00ede hasta que el Strip haga trueno y trompeta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Porque el humor es sagrado y dormir es derecho,
porque decir \u201cahorita no\u201d tambi\u00e9n tiene pecho.
Porque los cumplea\u00f1os son bellos y tambi\u00e9n fastidio,
porque ambas verdades caben en el mismo delirio,\ny por eso estoy aqu\u00ed, glorioso despertador cabr\u00f3n,\nahora s\u00ed \u2014 ronca, mi amor.<\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Cartoon<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\ud83c\udf52\ud83c\udfb0\ud83e\uddc3\ud83c\udf08\ud83e\udee6\ud83c\udfb2\ud83e\udee6\ud83c\udf08\ud83e\uddc3\ud83c\udfb0\ud83c\udf52<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Los monarcas del no-cumplea\u00f1os tambi\u00e9n tenemos que comprar micros, llenar la jarra y mantener el beat vivo.<\/mark><\/h5>\n\n\n\n
\ud83d\udc47<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
\"Da<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
\ud83c\udf52\ud83c\udfb0\ud83e\uddc3\ud83c\udf08\ud83e\udee6\ud83c\udfb2\ud83e\udee6\ud83c\udf08\ud83e\uddc3\ud83c\udfb0\ud83c\udf52<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Un poema de no-cumplea\u00f1os, sucio, divertido y de ciencia ficci\u00f3n, donde gabro falta al trabajo, tropieza con un portal de pastel y gobierna el cosmos con glitter y sarcasmo.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9230,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"gabro-unfiltered","meta":{"pmpro_default_level":"","sync_status":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","castos_file_data":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[870,374,871,662,872,782,849,459,873,289,874,875],"storyboard_category":[914,916],"class_list":["post-9388","storyboards","type-storyboards","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-birthday","tag-comedy","tag-drag-witches","tag-las-vegas","tag-neon-vibes","tag-poem","tag-poetry","tag-queer-humor","tag-queer-performance","tag-queer-poetry","tag-sci-fi-fantasy","tag-unbirthday","storyboard_category-laugh-tracks-from-hell","storyboard_category-poetry-panic","pmpro-has-access"],"yoast_head":"\nI 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