👠 click clack
That’s the sound of my soul leaving the building half way through my shift. Again.
Every time I say yes to an EO, I swear it’s the last time.
Every time I say no, I sit there like a hostage in polyester, praying for a miracle.
This post is a love letter. A warning. A soft scream.
It’s about the one decision that both saves me and bankrupts me:
The Early Out.
They whisper it like it’s a secret…
“You wanna Early Out?”
And suddenly my spine goes warm.
My shoulders drop like I just got cast as Velma in a regional production of Chicago.
I peek at the schedule. I’ve got four more hours.
Four more hours of fake laughs, chip dust, and people who call me boss man instead of tipping.
So I do what any self-respecting gay drama queen with boundary issues and a mild sleep addiction would do.
I say yes.
“Yes, Daddy.”
“Yes, Goddess.”
“Yes, Floor Person, please release me from this capitalist chokehold.”
And just like that 💥 boom 💥 I’m on the list.
Scribbled in half-legible Sharpie like it’s a VIP list to a party where no one gets paid.
There’s a high that comes with early out.
It’s better than weed, riskier than love, and cheaper than therapy.
You leave the building like you just won a court case.
That walk to the podium? That’s a strut.
You’re flipping your apron like it’s a cape.
(mentally cue the wind machine)
You’ve got plans now. Big ones.
“Maybe I’ll hit the gym.”
“I’ll do laundry.”
“I’ll work on my music.”
Lies.
You’re gonna nap, doomscroll, and maybe DoorDash Thai food you can’t afford.
And that’s okay.
Because you escaped.
But here’s the part they don’t put in the training manual…
The paycheck hits.
And I mean hits.
Like a brick to the ego.
You check the app.
You blink.
You check again.
“Where’s the rest of it?”
“Did they forget some hours?”
“Did I get garnished?”
No, babe. You just Early Outed yourself into poverty.
You tell yourself it was only one time.
Only two hours.
Only five shifts in a row.
But then you’re eating cereal for dinner and wondering if you can pawn that ring light you never use.
Still, you go back.
Of course you go back.
We all do.
Because the casino never runs out of people who can’t tip and shifts that never end.
And on a long enough timeline, EO becomes your toxic situationship.
It knows you better than your coworkers.
It waits for you.
It winks.
And you wink back.
Because you’d rather be broke than broken.
Because your peace is worth more than your paycheck.
Because you’re tired, and that little Sharpie list feels like hope on a clipboard.
So yeah, I Early Out.
Too much.
Too often.
With no plan.
And when they ask tomorrow?
I’ll probably say yes again.
💋 See you on the list…
🍒🎰🧃🌈🫦🎲🫦🌈🧃🎰🍒
Help me fund my next Early Out.
(hint: it’s probably today)
👇
