I clock you the second you touch the felt.
That Red Bull and cigarette breath, iconic.
That lucky hoodie that has not seen soap since Obama, inspiring.
That twitch in your left eye every time you lose, a whole subplot I could sell to Netflix.
I see the lies you tell yourself.
I see the panic you hide behind your dull jokes and sarcasm.
I see the way your eyes beg me to make you matter for five fucking minutes.
Buy in time. You peel wadded hundreds like gum wrappers, you ask for greens, I see death by nickels in my near future. You set your cash on the felt and say please, I think, this human understands theater, we can work.
And the rest…
- The drunk uncle who becomes a prophet after three wins and a Fireball.
- The amateur therapist who trauma-dumps between hits like it’s his private therapy session.
- The guy who only speaks in sighs until he loses, then finds language that stabs like a knife.
- The couple in matching shirts who forget they’re in public.
- The quiet woman who plays like she’s solving a murder.
- The dude with the Bluetooth headphone who argues with God mid-hand.
- The guy who won’t look at me because losing in front of a stranger makes him feel naked.
- The one who flirts like he’s auditioning for the lead in Brokeback Mountain and calls me bro, every time, like a dare.
- The one who wins big and disappears without a word, like a ghost who needed closure.
What we really think?
We are human calculators.
We are therapists.
We are bouncers of luck, ushers of chaos, saints of deadpan.
We smile because you need us to, and because it’s armor.
We root for you more than you know.
We resent you more than you think.
We love when you win and will help you out whenever possible, unless you’re an asshole. If you’re an asshole, we smile politely and make it our mission to annihilate you.
We are here, night after night, watching strangers try to fix their lives with cards, dice, and wheel spins.
We don’t judge.
We just… deal.
Do your part. Don’t be an asshole and remember to tip. 💵
🍒🎰🧃🌈🫦🎲🫦🌈🧃🎰🍒
If you laughed, learned, or felt personally attacked by gabro, you know what to do. 💅
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