There once was a queen of the night,
who flirted with monsters for spite;
I laced up my fear,
tipped Death with a beer,
and told every ghoul, not tonight.
A pumpkin said welcome, now pay,
I answered, babe, move out of the way;
your teeth are for show,
my rent says yeah, no,
my wallet just ran away.
A demon in glitter yelled boo,
his breath reeked of bottom-shelf glue;
I crossed myself twice,
then stabbed him with ice,
and whispered, I see right through you.
A witch with a manicure neat,
read tarot while dancing on beat;
she pulled me a card,
it said guard your yard,
and maybe your goddamn receipt.
🧙🏻♀️🔮🌕
The Strip looked possessed by the moon,
a slot hissed, I walked past, immune;
it whispered, “come play,”
I laughed, “not today,”
kiss my ass, I’ve got fries and a view.
A bouncer who glowed like a curse,
said baby, this vibe is perverse;
I flashed him a grin,
said hydrate your sin,
then spit out a limerick worse.
A bathroom with lights that were cruel,
declared my reflection a ghoul;
I winked at my doom,
spritzed lavender gloom,
texted therapist, lol cool.
A ghost in couture asked my type,
I said men who can budget and wipe;
he rattled his chains,
I rattled my veins,
then blocked him for sending a gripe.
🤳⛓⛪
A priest in a harness said kneel,
I knelt for the sake of the feel;
he blessed my whole mess,
then whispered confess,
I said yes to water and meal.
…and then the DJ blessed choir,
remixed the saints into wire;
the halos spun red,
the sinners all led,
and heaven dropped lower, still higher.
A vampire allergic to dawn,
said darling, your cheekbones are drawn;
I said by a ghost,
who charges the most,
for contour that slaps like a yawn.
A werewolf in mesh begged for tips,
I tipped like a sinner who slips;
he howled at my hair,
declared me a prayer,
then tasted the moon with his lips.
🧛🏻♀️🐺🪞
A mirror in velvet said stay,
your demons will learn how to pay;
I flirted with hurt,
in fishnets and dirt,
then laughed like a chandelier sway.
An alley performed a black mass,
the pigeons were camp, full of sass;
a rat in stilettos
sold rosary ghettos,
I bought one in glittered-up brass.
A Lyft with a rosary charm,
played cumbias, smooth as glass;
the driver said boo,
in perfect haiku,
I tipped him for saving my ass.
A limerick clawed out of my chest,
and hissed you are horny for rest;
I kissed my own face,
said bed is the place,
filed every ex under pest.
🚗🛏️🕯️
A crypt with a cover at two,
said twenty for sorrow and dew;
I paid with a smile,
then left for a while,
to snuggle my spine like a boo.
A concierge ghost wearing lace,
offered room service and grace;
I ordered a pie,
with garlic and why,
and ate like a saint out of place.
A hallway that breathed like a lung,
tried flirting by tasting my tongue;
I spat on the floor,
said not anymore,
my patience got gagged and unsung.
A chandelier whispered my sins,
then asked for a list of my wins;
I said I said no
to three haunted bros,
and kissed all my crookedy grins.
⚜️👁️🎰
A jack-o’-lantern slot flashed six,
then six, then a third in the mix;
I fed it one coin,
it burped from the groin,
I left with my soul and my kicks.
A drag nun with fangs read me clean,
said baby, be holy obscene;
say fuck with intent,
tip twenty percent,
then haunt like a glitter machine.
A knock from the wall called my name,
it moaned like a slot rigged for shame;
I turned to the noise,
unfollowed three boys,
said I only do cash and acclaim.
A skeleton served me a drink,
called boundaries the kink of the brink;
I chugged like a prayer,
to lube up the air,
and baptized my demons in pink.
☠️🍸👻
The night grew a jaw and it bit,
I offered it jokes and my wit;
it spit me back whole,
said keep your dumb soul,
but sharpen that yes and don’t quit.
A chorus of ghosts yelled encore,
so I gave them one limerick more;
dear specters, I’m done,
this slutty rerun
is headed to sheets, not the floor.
The blood moon cocked one arched brow,
said bitch, you are safe, take a bow;
I bowed to the fright,
to terror and light,
then slept like a witch with a vow.
So hear me, you hellmouths in heels,
you monsters with stainless-steel feels;
be horny for bed,
make peace with your head,
and tip like a saint who steals.
If ghouls try to sell you a vibe,
reply with a laugh and a bribe,
of water and fries,
fuck-off goodbyes,
then block, then ascend, then thrive.
🍒🎰🧃🌈🫦🎲🫦🌈🧃🎰🍒
If you cackled, buy the witch a coffee and a garlic knot. 🪄☕🧄
👇
